okay so this whole 'parts' is about my hijab. i havent told any about how was my first day on my university and alot.
okay so come up with an idea 'i'd rather take off my hijab' gue pikir itu solusi terbaik.
btw, i havent told my reason yet rite? alasanya at that time was,,
im feeling that,,i wana take this thing off. whats wrong with that? i was imagining things would be better in university if i take that off. i dont feel confident,..when my surroundings are all different from me, and i guess i shud adapt..i think this was the very good choice.
i mean,,well i dont feel under presure waktu dulu studkol, like i was the only one in class who wore the hijab and not a big deal at all.sama skali g ngrasa kebebani.mngkin dstu,,gue bru ngrasa,,
gue ada tmn kelas 1 yg slalu breng gue. dan...yang lainyya onta and i dont really talk to them and so do them.. back then..wow,gue ansos juga ya..
tp speaking of ansos,,gue ngrasa,,keanya cmn diprivate aja si..mksut gue,,most of em are onta and they've known each other aand speak the same language,,i mean..mreka uda kbentuk sblm ada gue gtu. gue ngrsa itu g sama klo di studkol staatlich keanya.like they all new students and campur bhkan ontanya 1 2 mngkin.i dont know..im saying this bcz thats what i saw from my friends who studied in staatliches studkol. dan lbih dri stngah kelas gue cwo smua but back again,,that doesnt bother me at all. sma skali g ganggu gue sma skli.
kenyataan bhwa gue dstu ansos,,well im not really actually lol. mungkin bolehlah ya klian bilang kgue,,yaa lo lah meee yang dateng k ontanya blabalaa kan elo yg butuh blalaa..wait..
gue emg g sdeket sesama tmn onta.mreka trlalu brisik, tp at least mreka tau gue,dan yaa gue tau some of them lah.stdaknyaa wktu abis ulangan basing, ada onta nyamperin, nylamatin gue gt gr2 nilai gw trtinggi.wktu itu gue blm liat nlai gue dan emg bner gtu. i mean,,yauda dikelas doang. dan tp trserah klian klo mo ngecap gue gmna.gue g tmnan jg sama tmn onta di fb.cmn satu doang cwe itupun gr2 mau ujian. dan ada bbrpa kjdian kecil lainyalhah.tp emg im not that 'hello aall' person.
as long as gue dikelas ngerti pelajarannya on my own way, and at least ada tmn gue satu cwe yg yeaaa lets say shes my only 'indo girl' friend at that time yg bisa diajak ngbrol,,it s fine.gue g mikir banyak.biasa aja.tp bkn brrti jg gue ketergantungan sama tmn gue indo itu,, emg si wktu awal2 gue masuk situ,masih pertaama2,,,kita brngkt like almost everyday kita bareng wkwk!! tp seiring brjalannya waktu,, brngkt sndiiri2.kea yauda ktmu dikelas aja gtu.
tp smnjak,,mulaii..saat mnjajaki dunia the real perkuliahan..gue ngbayangin hal2 taulah..
wktu gue nyri2 uni,,you know the banner thing from the website..gue ngrsa klo gue lepas,,
gue bisa lebih pd.bisa lebih bergerak.bisa lebih ngungkapin what i wana say. dan terlebih lagi jurusan gue.
doch,bnyak anak indo jg yg kuliah make gtu. i mean,,wait.
bnyak yg anak2 kdokterann makee,,wajaar..mkksut gue hal lumrah..i mean gue sring liat dan biasa aja.
gue? jrusan gue? gue blm nemu. dan emg jarang bukan di dunia permediaan sendiri?,,coba..
tp sblm jauh mikir ttng dunia pekerjaan media thing..gue ngbayangin saat lgi dikelas wktu pelajaran kuliah misal.. wktu lgi praktek misal,ddpn komputer,trs dosenya dtng nyamperin ngajarin..
gue ngrsa g enak aja gue yg make jilbab.. oke gue lebay.i mean.g smua orng tau hrus mmperlakukan wnita berjillbab sprti apa gt.mngkin aku hrus ngasih tau kali? hmm... .___.
mungkin rasanya hina kalimat brusan ada diotak gue yang drumah aja g make jilbab pdhal srumah ama tmn kakak cwo. abis mreka uda kea kakaak sndiriiii siii*tapi tetepp aja yaa g bole harusnya* :'D dan mager jg si masa kdapur make,tiap kmna make.. belum trbiasa hayati drumah sndiri hrus begitu :''
daaaan..gue ada pmikiran,,kinda like this,, gue g pintar2 amat. deutsch gue biasa aja. masuk jurusan ini,, smuanya baruu.apa yang aku uda mahir? g ada.tmn2 masuk jurusan gue,,jelas bbrpa uda ausbildung. ada jg kok yg baru lulus abitur,,tapi stdaknya mreka deutscher,,
daaaan jadinya,, gue tu merasa,,rasanya bodoh aja make jilbab but g pinter.deutsch pas2an. gue lbih milih yg g jlbaban yg g ngrti apa2.. oke mungkin ini pmikiran yg salah nan bodoh.
salaaaah me! krna kamu g tau apa2.karna kamu lack of many things like youve said, but at least,, kamu masih MAAKKEE! thats a point me! oke fine.
gue trlalu mikir ssuatu yg smpurna jika orng memakai jilbab.tp bkn brrti gue kmrn make jilbab and i feel perfect enggga juga..rasanya make jilbab trs g bsa ngapa2in tu kea mmbawa nama agamaku mnjadi buruk.apalagi mmbawanya dilingkup yg minor akan agama gue. mngkin gengsi kali.aahh dihipnotis dong aku plis!
daaan laagii.. about friends. bersosialisasi. jelas berteman itu tgt emg dri pribadi seseorang. soal ini, back sprti yg tdi gue uda bilang, gue ngrasa gue bkal lbih brani to at least 'say hi' dluan kmreka.kalo gue lepas..
dan gue smpt ada pmkiran yg..gmna ya,,intinya,,trnyata wktu gue uda msuk kuliah..ad kn tmn yg make jilbab orang turki satu.dr sgala prgaulan yg gue liat dikelas gue.i feel like, actually,g sprti yg aku byangkan.like mreka bergaul bebas gue g ngliat perasisan gtu.cmn emg si orng turki ini yg emg suka duduk sndiri aja. .__.
sputar itu si bbrpa alasan gue yang i came up with this idea,yaaang mungkin stlah klian tau ini youre gonna be like
'cuman gr2 ini doang??' ,btw that words reminds me of someone --'' and i was actually really wana answer ' iyyaaa puas lo nanya udahan? udah gtu doang' ._. but i gota hold back :')
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